The Forum Magazine
Al-Anon's monthly magazine, The Forum, contains many personal stories of inspiration, some of which are made available each month on the Internet by authorization of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.
The following article is from the September 2011 issue of The Forum. If you would like to subscribe, visit the World Service website. You can order online or by a printable order form (pdf).
I looked for love in the wrong places
Growing up in an alcoholic home, I always felt I had to be good enough—that I had to earn my parents love. Every time my alcoholic stepfather would go into a rage, it would be my fault. My mother, severely affected by the disease of alcoholism, would always defend him and tell me to try and do better. I thought they would love me if I were perfect.
As an adult, I searched in all the wrong places to find that perfect love I expected in a mate. I never thought I could be a complete person without the approval and love of a boyfriend. And when I didn’t have a boyfriend, I sought that approval from my parents. When that didn’t work, I turned to my best friend. When that didn’t work, I went back to finding a new boyfriend—and so the cycle continued.